idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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