It's Friday. Sex?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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