I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
