didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
