Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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