can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
