So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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