I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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