he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
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