Soap is not a condiment
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
