What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
