youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
