bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize