Your mouth is God's brothel.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
