I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
