Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
zippers are such a cool invention
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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