did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize