SEEEEXXX PLEASE
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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