I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
