Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
