haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
