the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
