I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
