honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
