come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
