I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
