We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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