I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
