I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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