How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
