I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
