I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
