Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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