I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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