ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize