At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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