It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
