It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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