Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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