Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
