So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
