So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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