he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
