I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
