oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
