Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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