I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
