where am i from again
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
