The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
