I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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