grandma shit on top of the toilet
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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