ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
