Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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