You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
