1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just cropdusted the office
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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