My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You made out with two different species that night
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
