You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
