I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
