Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
