2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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