you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
