You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
