I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
