Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
