Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
