Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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