Nicole vs. Life
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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