Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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