I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
