the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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