dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
