Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
