Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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