if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize