I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
