I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
