Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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