the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize