She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
