Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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