I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
