Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
