i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize