You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
