and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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