ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm passing your future prison.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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