Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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