Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
