but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
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