two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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