This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
