If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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