Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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