I just saw a hot homeless man
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
