I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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