The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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