i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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