oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
