You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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