i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
