I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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