She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize