I wanna bring you to show and tell
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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