maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
