I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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