1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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