I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My vagina is very pro this idea
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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