he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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