so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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