Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
