It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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