You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
