If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
