I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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