My sheets look like a crime scene.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
