I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
